my lawyer friend came and for a moment she and her friend talked, and blurred out something like “i cannot be as 瀟洒 as you, threw away/let go of everything and just left …”

it all started when she all of a sudden talked about “air-ticket”, saying it was cheap and it cost her only $900 for a around trip ticket, so i told her “wo, that is not bad, consider i paid $800 f0r my one-way ticket~”

then her reaction was, “wo! one-way ticket ah~, why not buy the open tickets?”

i answered, “because it is only good for 1-year …”

yes, cause when i bought the ticket, i did not know when to go back anyway … no other choice but to have to choose 1-way ticket.”

but of course, in american english, one-way ticket is used to show “determination”, so i guess it sounded determined to her.

she also asked me, “have you gotten used to living here?” (since her another friend also lived here but not like it here, but rather live in houston, wow, ok …)

i told her right away, “i got used to it even before i came.”

and she was laughing a little. haha. but it is also true, u know.

sometimes, actually, most of the time, i forget that i am in tokyo, a place that i NEVER even thought ONCE before 2008 that i would be living in …

a few years ago, actually almost started from 8 years ago, my japanese uni. friend already asked me, “if you like japan so much, why don’t you just come here and take some courses? study the language so maybe you can get a job here …”

i was like … “ah, .. that is a waste of my precious money, if i want to study, i can study by myself  (in my own present country).”

i am not disputing now that one cannot study on their own, but, … how to say, it is really different.

a few days ago, i happened to flip through a small japanese language book that i used to try to “study” a few years ago. i am really surprised, how much words on it now seem so familiar to me, like 80% … while, at that time (a few years ago), there is just no way i can put those words in my head …

i have to admit the progress seems very natural, as i only study less than 2 months since i came to japan, never able to concentrate in class and all, and still … just looking at this old book i realize, i have already made such a progress (STILL VERY POOR OF COURSE compare to the students’ standard here), but comparing to a few years ago, so naturally, the progress has already been made … and, i have to admit, it did really surprise me, and make me a little happy .. because of the satisfaction, the progress … it is not completely futile …

language is a curse, but it is interesting to be able to use it as a tool to talk to my chinese friend, since i cannot speak Mandarin; and use it as one more way to speak to my hong kong friends, on top of our fluent cantonese, sooo interesting, really, there are something, you just HAVE to say it in japanese and it will make a huge difference in meaning, yes. convenient!

amazing, i always thought i MADE myself to be here, i thought it was not natural, in a way, like i pushed it … but now, i think back … no …

especially yesterday, my lawyer friend from US came to tokyo and we met, and after i spent a whole night with her and her friend, i am starting to realize more …

actually, as scary as it may seem, it is almost like GOD made tons of obstacles for me in US, then … pushed me to break down and had to leave … why would i think so? because now i am so much more wide awake, and start to realize, it was so powerful that it made me, such a thrify person, to overlook the money issues, and “learn the language”? something that i always find so “what the heck!”, and now i am doing it …

because if i want to leave US, the place i like to go is japan, but since my job field is not in high demand and my native language not english, so i cannot work here, so the next thing that i can do is to make myself a student, even though, i really have not much interests in learning a language start from the beginning … sigh, troublesome leh!

so that is where i am now … don’t know for what, when i wake up i have to go some silly language school, then a few months ago, know about these public exams, oh mine … then, it makes no sense not taking them, cause then i would leave and take nothing with me if i have no certificate of any kind … -_- … and then, level 1 can give you a chance to work in japan …

so all of a sudden, is like, … wo, hold on, so now, there is a way, and seems not very far-fetched that, you might be able to work here for real … and then it came the money problems, ok, maybe you do not have enough money to stay, there is no way i am going to sacrifice so much! cause managing my crap small investment in US, really distract me from studying, … but then, all of a sudden, a month ago, i started to have part-time, it was GOD-given … since my japanese so poor … then today, these days, the US stock markets went way back up … so … maybe, it is possible …?

wow, so what the heck is going on?

The other week my girlfriend and I had a week off so we decided to head somewhere. We at first thought it’d be a good idea go to Hokkaido because it’s apparently quite nice there in the summertime but seeing as none of us had done much planning we ended settling for going to Sendai to stay with our friends family for a couple of days.

The trip up there was kinda interesting.We bought one of those JR train tickets that lets you go anywhere.It was a 9 hour trip with about for4 transfers on the way. Every time the train would pull up to a station where we needed to transfer there would be a insane dash to the next train with people scrambling to get a seat for the next leg of the trip. I ended up standing most of the way being unaware  of this wacky occurrence at the time.

When we finally got to Sendai we had a lovely ferry ride to a secluded island to visit our friend’s grandmothers house. It was really nice as had a real wafu (old school Japanese) theme to the place. We let off fireworks in the evening and had breakfast on the beach the next morning.

Life in Tokyo moves at a well-oiled clip, with an energy that borders on mania and an obsession with newness that seems to make all ideas quickly obsolete. Fashions begin to fade almost as soon as they are plucked from clothes hangers, and keitai (mobile phones) are traded up for each latest technological advancement. But even while throngs of tech-savvy, smartly styled Tokyoites trot through subway stations, there is a traditional side to this hyperurban cosmopolis, which may not be immediately evident.

Beneath the conspicuous consumption of its shopping districts and shiny façades of the latest architectural achievement, Tokyo throws out unexpected glimpses of its cultural core. At a Shintō shrine across town, a young man purchases a fortune and, after reading it, ties it to a strung frame whose many paper fortunes rustle like leaves in a breeze. In a neighbourhood sentō (public bath) in Asakusa, an old woman bathes with her tiny granddaughter, much as she once did with her own grandmother.

Tokyo’s unique vitality springs from this intertwining of the new with the time-honoured old. While it’s the wellspring of Japanese pop culture, it is also a place where the patrilineage of its imperial family is a tightly held institution. It’s the city to which Japanese nonconformists flee but where individuality is often linked to an older form of small-group identity. It’s a metropolis where the pressure cooker of traditional societal mores and expectations explodes into cutting-edge art, music and inventions like the ‘boyfriend’s arm pillow’. Even pop culture like manga, as it takes the world by storm, is rooted in the tradition of Edo-period ukiyo-e (wood-block prints from the ‘floating world’). And so, as its modern gears keep turning, the basic machinery of this intriguing city remains true to its origins.

My Japanese friend had to make a short film for her English class at Uni and considering she lives in a guesthouse full of native English speakers what better to do than base her film on the guest house. She showed me the example film her teacher gave her. I wasn’t all that impressed and decided that we could make a one much better than that movie. The only problem was, the assignment was due in one day, so we had to work fast.

We shot everything throughout the day. We shot the thing all over house; on the roof, in the living room, through a mirror and in the park as well. To keep things fresh and engaging we decided to interview the most mysterious, fascinating and charismatic member in our band of housemates….Manny the Mannequin!

It was dark by the time we finished shooting and editing needed doing. I’m amazed at how dedicated I was. I pulled an all nighter (with work the next day) to put the whole thing together. The final product was an inaudible and in all, fairly shambolic piece of work but we had fun anyway.

A couple of weeks ago, me and a few of my friends from our tight-knit guest house went to Ichikawa to see the fireworks over the river. We arrived a bit later than we had hoped but we were still able to find a nice slope of grass to sit on so our legs wouldn’t go completely numb. We bought a few drinks and snacks and settled in for the display.

I have to admit, being from Sydney and seeing the Fireworks over the Harbour on New Years, I did expect too much from these ones. But when the opening flurry of 5000 rockets thundered into the sky and burst in unison. It was quite amazing seeing the sheer scale of that many fireworks lit up and booming. All in all it was a nice evening though getting back to the station with so many other people trying to do the same was tough.

nothing is black and white here, things are not easy. you have your dreams and goals, but more than half of the time, it was blurry. due to the negative effects around you and from your own fluctuating emotions due to the hormone problems that i have.

as we all should know, we should NEVER never, try to find satisfaction from another human being, no one, EVEN your lifetime partner, can also let you down.

i know this very well by my very own experience, people that are still fresh with relationships, or people that has higher tolerance or better luck or better personality to be born with, might not be able to agree.

but all the years i have lived, that is very true.

why?

because, we are all imperfect. nothing wrong with it, everybody is like that, right?

no, there is something not right, but i am not going to preach here.

i am asking HIM for the strength, to let go of my easily-being-distracted characters, and just aim on the 2 main things that i want. LET GO.

Please GROW UP and MOVE ON. and ignore the small things once again, back to they way you are decades ago. the habitual thinking of holding on things are just too, way too NOT intellectual.

don’t be like the world.

some friends of mine really good at that, but, of course, u are too freaking nice to ignore these type of shit people, comparing assets and money each other own, and then once in a while, try to be a “curious” person and messaged you and tried to find out, “what are you doing in japan?” “you are rich, aren’t you” shut your filthy mouth, none of your freaking biz anyway.

people, sometimes, really make me sick. they just cannot be honestly when they talk, they cannot leave their life, so they wonder why other people do what they do, but they JUST cannot ask straight, they would just say tons of other shit to irritate you. or, they would say “if it was me, i would have never able to take a year off to do this and that, … cause i have this and that to do … BLAH BLAH BLAH”

whatever.

and my lovely siblings, and my mom, of course, just have their OWN special way to put SALT in my WOUNDS, that is why you LOVE them right? all supportive and shit.

ya.

i don’t know how many years of life i need to spend or take to start appreciating them. nice. very exciting.

sometimes, when bad things happen, when you find no support from family, you will once a gain realize, i really DID stay at a place that has someone that is supposed to be called “family” in there, however, the “feeling of feeling VERY alone, is very strong there. because, you get no good feeling from them, the sad thing is, not that you cannot talk to them, or you guys never has laughters sometimes, but you know, you all are just … very different, i guess, don’t even know how to explain the situation …

GREY, nothing is black and white, that is why it hurts.

that is why you have certain expectations from time to time, but yet, just about 66% of the time, it was SALT on WOUNDS.

on the contrast, i feel SOOOO much better off on a land, once again, just like before in USA, that at first not know a single soul. and now with tons of companions not are blood-related. it is the same theory how since 21, i felt like i have no parents. even when i was like 14, i already felt like i was living under someone else’s roof.

honestly, i know, we all know, it is not up to us to do certain things. but if it is up to me and if i can have full control, i would choose never have to go to a place that have to drive, or a place that does not have the design or anything that can excite me. and have the LEAST EYE SORE.

my freak sibling said, …

“no problem? working? they won’t find you too old? to hire you”

THAT IS NICE~ isn’t it? of course, as usual, i am a dumb shit in responding all my life, when he first said it, i felt nothing, but later, i was like, THAT MAKES NO SENSE! soo unfair! so are you saying the WHOLE staff at your company are only fresh grad and 21? B.S.

to forsake and let go of everything, to leave a comfort zone of more than 10 years of living, is not easy for a normal person, unless you are driven in a corner or something really stimulate you. BUT, many people do not understand. i am not expecting other people to understand this “bold” move, but at least, say LEAST hurt thing can u? esp., once again, my freaking sibling, SIGH!

give me a break, i think it is about my time of the month or something, why i am sooooo pissed off today? GEEZ.

i wish they would QUIT saying shit!

i am too fxxking nice to them, look at them, no progress. NEVER!

recently, there has been some trouble, my car in US is still there, was threatened to get towed one time,   (pretty ridiculous cause once your car is towed, it will take you at least $100-200 to get it back)   and RUSTING. of course, after you left, what you have left there, the storage room, the car, the documents, to have other people occasionally look at those thing for you, it is not going to be easy, for 1, they are not you, people themselves already have enough trouble every day in their life, why would they want to look at other people’s crap? for 2, they don’t know shit about what is going on, it just led to more frustrations on both sides, for 3, they couldn’t care less.

even your own siblings, they will also feel the same way, it hurts but it does. that is why on my msn, the sentence next to my name is “世上沒有任何的成功，能夠彌補家庭的失敗。”

stupid car, i hate driving. call me negative, but i really hate it. i have SOOOOOO much trouble with it, lose so much money, makes your life even more complicated, every day, you are facing the fact that you can get hit anytime, AND, possibly end of in the freaking hospital for absolutely no reason.

and of course, all your freak siblings at that time, instead of maybe, giving you some sympathy about some bad luck, they only blame you for NOT being more careful, or WHY YOU WOULD GOT HIT ANYWAY these dumb xxxx questions.

anyway, today i am DEAD MAD, cause my siblings are already AGES and are still that fxxked up in thinking, honestly, i really have enough.