this is from a CURRY restaurant that has been interviewed or introduced on TV, i am not saying it does it taste good, it is special, not like the ones you bought from the supermarket. however, does it really match up the great おすすめ、that i don’t know.

this is the ラーメン shop that i went to in 中野坂上, way WAY before i knew that one day i would be working in the huge building next to it. more than 2 years ago when i tried this it was super wonderful. but this time, after i had tried 10,000 other RAMEN shop, i am disappointed. 一体 what did i eat before in this restaurant that made me feel so great?

the packaging is good, but the taste really not match the package. -_-

this is the cake i received from one of our co-workers. someone someone is treating, but i don’t know who …

not a real food here, obviously, but i was trying out a birthday card before i gave it to someone important.

wonderful McDonald, JAPAN version. i believe this is the SHRIMP, taste SOOOO great!!!!!! >.<

just a regular dish in すき屋、but it taste great! and quite good price.

how often do you here the stupid company you worked before can suddenly disappear before you even get your salary? not to mention the fact that i waited for whole 2 months for that crap, my goodness.

i was told by many of my japanese friends that is not normal, well, trust me, many NOT normal happen to me all the time, but in JAPAN that is kind of new. i had that a lot when i was in US it drove me nuts (to the core) so i finally had to leave and come here. not that after i have come i don’t have to struggle anymore, but for the least, when i go to the darn stores, even just a CONVENIENCE store, it makes you feel good.

why? because that is the type of food a normal ASIAN should eat? not some freaking “food” (if you want to call it food but not SUGAR)  that has syrup all over it or grease / oil overflowing just about every single dish you come across.

one of the wonderful thing of japan — food for the people who really appreciate Asian food. crying out loud.

just a normal Ramen in BAMIYA (or something like that, a family restaurant), but it already tasted wonderful. i think a co-worker of mine treated me this meal.

this piece of meat is TUNA! taste SOOOOOO good, from すき屋。

this is probably one of the worst photos i have ever taken on food. 親子丼。it disappointed me but it still taste better than the crap from the place that i am from.

everyday on my way back home, i just HAVE to pass this expensive supermarket. cause they have AIR-CON, i really cannot resist …

everyday, 超だるい。最悪。夏は 。。。i completely can feel why there are so many poor old people have to go to heaven because of the heat … so sad.

anyway, this supermarket, at night time after 9pm, they start to have SALE, 半額とか、少なくとも、20% off, 30% off, sweet …

i come back so tired already cannot afford to cook, going to the FAR AWAY kitchen is also a torture for me, no energy … at all … liek a 60 year old or more.

so i have just have to try the following, out of curiosity.

ORKA, lovely food, just LOVE the slimy taste. did u see the fine “hair”? hehe.

this is another dish, i forget the food in english, sorry. but it taste wonderful.

THIS is GOOD, cause it has the fake fish meat, i love it.

look at the shrimp, awesome! i love seafood.

this also wonderful, i also forget the english name sorry.

anyway, i ate all of them in one night, i think, at least 80%.

what a blessing.

and they are all HALF PRICE!

last year, i have met a very cute person, and after half year of living on the same floor we finally got the chance to get to know each other better. he is so cute.

he sometimes will go abroad. and i will miss him very much. but because he is the one that will have “adventure” so i don’t think he misses me at all, especially during those days.

this is one of the things that he brought back from taiwan. i think he told me he got it from a client. um, do you think the client find him cute, too?

this is the infamous taiwan pineapple cake. oh well, the chinese name is a lot better. the english name “pineapple cake” なんて、ちょっと 。。。

とにかく、it taste good. not the type of food i want every day, but once a year is ok. somehow has this “greasy” taste, the outside part, which, once again, i was born not like this taste, even when i was in hk.

i think this is my first 松屋 meal in 日ノ出町。it is so delicious and cheap.

they were running a promotion, i think it only costs 380¥ or less. 280¥?

wow, good taste, but of course, very thin … ^^

now, i seem to have some income coming, my food-tasting mission just have to start again.

sometimes i wonder, if i could have met him EARLIER, i think i would be a lot happier, he moved to the same place as i did last summer, so why i met him only (can only go out with him) END of last year? he is also a blessing to me, while i was having such a tough time … -_- thank you kawaii kun.

i have this for breakfast, i have wanted to eat this ALLLLLLL the time, but just too darn expensive, but once i have income i just have to have it once!!!!!

it taste WONDERFUL! and my co-workers saw me eating this and just have to laugh …

i have this when i had my part-time in university.

it was tough, cause it is FAR. so after work i just have to have something.

and i tried this GUSTO cafe … um, i don’t think i will go there again, just not clean enough, not as much as i expected.

but sure the photo is great right?

i am just not a big fan of fried things. not much satisfaction. thank GOD i was born this way, otherwise i would have been 200 lbs. +_+

2 months ago, miracles starts to happen.

the things that i have never even DARE to dream — to work with things that interests me in a country of my love, a place that i know nothing of their language and everything else.

it is a miracle. for someone like me, being here for like 2.5 years and never even tried hard to study the language, there is actually a work-place for me (which i can only use Japanese) … nice.

i had been very very poor for very very very long time. to the point that i have to stop going to the supermarket cause i just cannot afford to get any of the food there without slaughtering the CENTURY low US$. it was up to the point that could make me sick.

THEN, at the very ギリギリ time, my chance came, it was a very tough job, but they let me work there. no complaints. and every day, i was forced to create a lot of pieces of design. also no complaints, cause GOD KNOWS how long i had not been able to be entrusted to design anything. the feeling was super. at the 日ノ出町。every day も見事いっぱいだし。^0^

back to the main topic, the above JELLY, i always wanted to try but just too darn expensive to try when i had absolutely no income and the stores here are so expensive. finally one day i had the energy to go there and see they are on sale. YAY! let’s try everything!

so i bought, the look is great. i do admit the taste does not quite match up with the look, but it is good. i don’t mind eating it if it is free. but i don’t think i would spend money on buying it again.

esp. nowadays, just about every day i need to have ice-cream or ice-bar, it just too much sweets. this summer, i am going to be quite sick.

these tomatoes, they were on sale too, and of course, i only had the mood to buy these when i realize i can have salary coming soon? -_- ya …

this sushi too, my beloved salmon, i wish i can have 放射-free salmon every day … >.<

oh mine oh mine, there is the lovely egg. just about all the eatable egg on this world are delicious. esp. THIS kind.

你可以想盡辦法去放棄，去滿足自己嘅好奇心，去肯定自己嘅能力…

但到頭黎只會發覺，所有嘢都只不過是神嘅恩典 …

but nothing more …

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

this is so crazy, it is beyond words.

i don’t get this theory by “understanding”

i got this conclusion by the things that happened to me …

満足できない

落ち着かない

そのままの状態我慢できない

なんでもできない、なんでも意味がない、

結局、神様の恩徳／恵みもらえなければいけない。

半分以上の人生は外国に住んでる私、一体何を考えてると思う？

maybe for some people, they really have to be put out of this planet, in the middle of the universe “Floating”, only under these conditions, they will believe there is a creator for all things.

everyday we only look at the streets we walk on, the 4 walls around us, wonder whether it rains or not, wonder how other beings think of us, wonder how to pay bills …

i am sooo mentally tired sometimes and just want to give up. 　速く天国行けるとあんまり悪くないと思う。地球に結構寂しいなあと思って。

even though, comparing to last year, i finally seem to have a normal relationship with someone, 10 times better. i was SO unfortunate for so many years.

but just as i thought things are good now, i only seem to realize, my luck was just too horrible before. completely insulting.

寂しいです。

i remember my ex.

i remember how he wanted SO bad to live with me, to me, it is one way of his showing me how much he wanted to be with me, and of course, this feeling is mutual.

and also many other things …

how he will try to help me in many ways, how he bought this and that for me … but that time i felt, he also did it, or EVEN MORE, to his ex.s, i felt very not enough, something so normal for him, it means nothing to me. i don’t feel very special …

but recently, i looked at the ipod he gave me, and VERY recently, i started undress the “white/half translucent” cover … 中は … very きれい silver …

i used to tell him,

“i find you very dirty, cause i do not know what type of people you have been with, it made me mad!”

then he told me,

“but my love for you is pure and clean”

i was too young to realize what that really means at that time, i was purer and i kept myself that way intentionally and turns out i had to be with someone that is has a lot more experience than me in relationship, while i was just a clean paper.

i did not understand. i did not understand WHY it is so unfair.

i have always wanted to be someone that is pure, but it never happened.

actually, until this year だけ、i am starting to realize more how he, my ex., really is, after he left me for 5 years …

i have no doubts, he will always remember me.

and he would regret the things he did to me. and so am i.

i know very clearly, we cannot live peacefully together, but because of my current relationship, the boy who is the same age as him (at the time i was with him), even though NOW and THEN is like 15, 16 years apart …

the things that the current boy did, SAME age as ex. 16 years ago, 想像できない、only then i realize, how mature, how protective, how generous, how 偉い、he once was.

same age, how can the mentally, capacity, be so different?

what really hurt me most is, i realize how much my ex. seemed to love me, makes me feel like, i am a fool …

やっぱり、こんな奇跡も一回起きることない。no matter how u put it, the way he used to take care of me, is SOOOOOOOOOOOO unbelievable.

he really was CRAZY about me, no matter what happened. for many many many years.

the white cover that i took off from ipod, i put it in a big Sanrio pink bag, but maybe i just took too many things to work these days, it fell off somewhere, and i just don’t know where, i tried to trace back the road i walked the day before, but found nothing … sigh, there goes the cover that was with me for more than 10 years, so lovely, coming from him, … あの時、当然と思ってたけど、now i know, how shit the whole wild world can be.

i was told, u not see shit, u not know how good things are.

but i think the 順番ちょっと間違ったかも。

if he is an asian, the has no temper, and share some of the same background with me, i would have wanted to be with him forever … but, things not go this way …

the white cover is gone, i really want it back …

it was his gift for me …

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i was looking at the current boy’s sent message, yes now, i suddenly can read japanese, i don’t know how and why…, the way that i always wanted to be while in america, i wanted to tell him, but, am i really better off this way … i feel not so sure sometimes.

one thing i know for sure, he is so かわいそう、he is probably one of the most かわいそう person i have ever met.

it is true he has a pretty face and body, but other than that, i don’t know what he has.

trauma, his whole life is full of it. so complicated.

if i have more than enough money, i will never hesitate to help him. even until now.

he was so messy at so many points, but he never tried to deceive my assets or anything.

he now, probably has no real friends, no real family …

how can someone be so sad … may the creator be with him for real …

yes, it has been like this for more than 2 weeks, and today i found out i pretty much started to shake a little, my hand … i don’t even want to think about why …

休みないです。

給料まだもらえないです。

that is what made me mad.

if i go to work every day and can see the money in my hand or in my bank quite right away, i would be sooo happy to start counting and stop complaining.

but sadly, in my case, i started working one of the part-time in MAY and now in July i still NO pay …

-__-

hope u can feel my pain.

after ALL the crap trouble i went through with that job because i was super desperate.

but i did not forsake my duty and still kept going in JULY to keep my promise with professor. cause i am also indebted to his kindness, and no discrimination.

but 4 hours back and forth of commuting, i don’t think everyone can handle this.

and now, bring my own computer to work everyday during this hot summer, that is another PAIN. and AGAIN, of course, the work that i did in JUNE, i will not get the paid till end of JULY, and i now have 0 yen in my bank, just for your info.

so i cried, i also cried because i realize something more painful …

i don’t know what it all means, but suddenly there is “one more” “seem-to-be-designer” here.

at first i really thought she was only for sales. but then later i saw her work on some very boring “menus”. then later she kept coming everyday.

=======================================================

the above is from a few days ago, now even worse, the manager just told us, “have u guys been told already? there is 1 more designer coming tomorrow …” -_-

i really do not know what is the meaning of all these, but i guess it is a good thing since that means even i left, nothing bad would have happened to them …

sigh, why it has to turns out to be this way?

i still なんでも分からない。

why EVERYTHING has to come at the same time?

i was SO free before but now i cannot even seem to able to breathe properly …

=======================================================

today i only have 1 question in my head for this company, just EXACTLY HOW MANY designers they try to hire?

crying out loud, i kept seeing them letting candidates come and did the test.

i do admit, i was the FIRST one and also THE ONLY one that was tested by 社長、but still ….

=======================================================

そして、あの日、i think it was yesterday, 社長 finally shows up, but, maybe i am wrong, seems to be someone is reporting to him how my PC is not working, since serial no. no good, then 社長 came to office that day, and personally asked me, if my computer is ok.

he fed us KFC.

he came and tried to ask me a question.

but i immediately said, 社長、美味しいチキンありがとうございます。

he immediately did not know what to do and said
“i was not the one that made the chicken”
and then he kind of left without asking me what he first intentionally came to ask me …

he is so sweet … and he seemed to get a little how my gratitude towards him.

and i want to show him, too.

i still remember very clearing what he told me during the interview,

he said,

“we do not have objections towards hiring foreigners”

thank you 社長