my lawyer friend came and for a moment she and her friend talked, and blurred out something like “i cannot be as 瀟洒 as you, threw away/let go of everything and just left …”

it all started when she all of a sudden talked about “air-ticket”, saying it was cheap and it cost her only $900 for a around trip ticket, so i told her “wo, that is not bad, consider i paid $800 f0r my one-way ticket~”

then her reaction was, “wo! one-way ticket ah~, why not buy the open tickets?”

i answered, “because it is only good for 1-year …”

yes, cause when i bought the ticket, i did not know when to go back anyway … no other choice but to have to choose 1-way ticket.”

but of course, in american english, one-way ticket is used to show “determination”, so i guess it sounded determined to her.

she also asked me, “have you gotten used to living here?” (since her another friend also lived here but not like it here, but rather live in houston, wow, ok …)

i told her right away, “i got used to it even before i came.”

and she was laughing a little. haha. but it is also true, u know.

sometimes, actually, most of the time, i forget that i am in tokyo, a place that i NEVER even thought ONCE before 2008 that i would be living in …

a few years ago, actually almost started from 8 years ago, my japanese uni. friend already asked me, “if you like japan so much, why don’t you just come here and take some courses? study the language so maybe you can get a job here …”

i was like … “ah, .. that is a waste of my precious money, if i want to study, i can study by myself  (in my own present country).”

i am not disputing now that one cannot study on their own, but, … how to say, it is really different.

a few days ago, i happened to flip through a small japanese language book that i used to try to “study” a few years ago. i am really surprised, how much words on it now seem so familiar to me, like 80% … while, at that time (a few years ago), there is just no way i can put those words in my head …

i have to admit the progress seems very natural, as i only study less than 2 months since i came to japan, never able to concentrate in class and all, and still … just looking at this old book i realize, i have already made such a progress (STILL VERY POOR OF COURSE compare to the students’ standard here), but comparing to a few years ago, so naturally, the progress has already been made … and, i have to admit, it did really surprise me, and make me a little happy .. because of the satisfaction, the progress … it is not completely futile …

language is a curse, but it is interesting to be able to use it as a tool to talk to my chinese friend, since i cannot speak Mandarin; and use it as one more way to speak to my hong kong friends, on top of our fluent cantonese, sooo interesting, really, there are something, you just HAVE to say it in japanese and it will make a huge difference in meaning, yes. convenient!

amazing, i always thought i MADE myself to be here, i thought it was not natural, in a way, like i pushed it … but now, i think back … no …

especially yesterday, my lawyer friend from US came to tokyo and we met, and after i spent a whole night with her and her friend, i am starting to realize more …

actually, as scary as it may seem, it is almost like GOD made tons of obstacles for me in US, then … pushed me to break down and had to leave … why would i think so? because now i am so much more wide awake, and start to realize, it was so powerful that it made me, such a thrify person, to overlook the money issues, and “learn the language”? something that i always find so “what the heck!”, and now i am doing it …

because if i want to leave US, the place i like to go is japan, but since my job field is not in high demand and my native language not english, so i cannot work here, so the next thing that i can do is to make myself a student, even though, i really have not much interests in learning a language start from the beginning … sigh, troublesome leh!

so that is where i am now … don’t know for what, when i wake up i have to go some silly language school, then a few months ago, know about these public exams, oh mine … then, it makes no sense not taking them, cause then i would leave and take nothing with me if i have no certificate of any kind … -_- … and then, level 1 can give you a chance to work in japan …

so all of a sudden, is like, … wo, hold on, so now, there is a way, and seems not very far-fetched that, you might be able to work here for real … and then it came the money problems, ok, maybe you do not have enough money to stay, there is no way i am going to sacrifice so much! cause managing my crap small investment in US, really distract me from studying, … but then, all of a sudden, a month ago, i started to have part-time, it was GOD-given … since my japanese so poor … then today, these days, the US stock markets went way back up … so … maybe, it is possible …?

wow, so what the heck is going on?